Rejection Therapy is a resilience conditioning practice to help you learn to respond appropriately to the ‘no’s’ in your life.
Repeating this practice will prevent overly sensitive reactions which may be internalised into harmful self esteem issues.
When we are told ‘no’, some of us can have an adverse reaction to this word, we may feel immediately criticised, negatively judged, unwanted and unloved. This reaction may not be obvious, but more of a silent stab in the heart or an emotional gut punch, which, if not dealt with appropriately will do more long term harm to any already wounded, self esteem.
Our self esteem is our emotional identity blueprint – this is how we perceive and truly think about ourselves. Our self esteem can be boosted and damaged by certain factors; our childhood, our relationships and our environment and these life experiences then shape and form our own deeply held self value, self belief, and self worth. As well as our levels of capability and our flexibility and ability to adapt to change and criticism.
We will be good at handling criticism, rejection and judgment if we have higher levels of self esteem, and we won’t be if our levels are low. Self esteem is not the same as self confidence. Self esteem is more of an internal state of being, whereas self confidence relies on external forces.
Planet Grief
In my latest book Planet Grief - I divide our 5 Self Esteem Emotional States into my HUMAN acronym.
Human Beings with HIGH SELF ESTEEM feel:
- HEARD
- UNDERSTOOD
- MANAGED
- ACKNOWLEDGED
- NEEDED
If we don’t feel two or more of those in the list above, our self esteem could take a knock and we may not be able to deal with rejection, criticism or judgment in a healthy way.
Rejection Therapy is a very useful tool to help us become aware of our instinctive reactions to the enforced scenarios of guaranteed rejection, and learn the skill of turning the negative wounded reaction of being unwanted, criticised or unworthy into a noticably productive force.
It’s a brilliant self awareness exercise with the right help and support in place. Our self esteem is fragile. It needs to be nourished and looked after.
Rejection Therapy will be very beneficial for people who suffer with low self esteem, because by getting used to this practice of responding well to rejection, rather than reacting badly to it, slowly – over time, and with the right support in place, will help boost self value, self worth and self belief.
If we have grown up with the belief that rejection means we are not good enough, not deserving enough, not valued, not wanted and essentially not loved, our reaction to being told no, as an adult, will be taken so deeply and personally, literally like a stab in the heart, or a punch in the gut. We are wounded.
We will feel dejected, abandoned, excluded and in extreme cases, can result in paranoia, where we believe we are hated and the centre of some conspiracy.
Our brain and our bodies are linked. If we think a damaging thought, such as I’m not good enough, our emotions will mimic the feeling of self deprecation and self loathing and this will have a huge negative impact on our wellbeing, self worth, self value and self belief.
However, if we learn to evaluate our habitual reaction and change it to a proper measured response, this will keep us in a healthy state of neutrality, and even go as far as building up our resilience and getting rid of anxious thoughts.
It’s very useful to be able to internally rehearse all of our thoughts and behaviours with a qualified professional. This type of therapy is a practical and powerful way to release old and damaging patterns of thought and behaviour, and relearn new ways of reacting and responding.
This type of therapy will help someone move forward in life with a healthy perception about themselves, rather than plaster on fake smiles with a filtered image of happiness, when really deep down inside you may be crumbling and riddled with self esteem issues.
The trend of rejection therapy has come about because there has been a huge spike in low self esteem issues – such as fear of being judged, imposter syndrome, self doubt, and what I call comparitis’. The idea that everyone else, according to their socials are doing extremely well, and deep down you fear that are not – so you place this negative judgment upon yourself, when in reality – nobody is judging you.
Our digital world has become so unnaturally filtered, and this is blurring the boundaries between reality and deep fake.
We may feel rejected when we lose followers or ‘friends’, or don’t get as many likes or shares as we used to. It’s not only about the ‘no’s’ we face in job interviews or relationships, but we are constantly bombarded with potential rejection every time we look at our phones. Potential rejection and judgement is everywhere, so it’s important to be kind to your own mind.
No one lives in your mind quite like you do. Only you know what you feel when you feel rejected, and, if you really think about it, the word rejection isn’t very useful in itself.
Let’s consider the actual word rejection.
The word, in the dictionary has negative connotations ‘a refusal to accept’, and we know that words are very powerful. What if we can change the definition of the word rejection in our minds to something a little more practical, and neutral. For example, I have changed the dictionary definition of rejection from ‘refuse to accept’ into ‘a space that needs to be filled’, and suddenly that feels so much better.
Try it for yourself, when you face a ‘no’, or feel as if you are being judged next time – instead of dwelling on the no, or the shame, which is what the wounded part of the mind wants you to do, by practicing rejection therapy, we begin to heal that wound, and discover that the wounded thought can be healed by thinking that a no means there is still some space for a yes.
If you learn to accept that it’s not you that has been rejected, and take yourself out of the scenario, you will start to release those old judgmental patterns of thought that have held you captive. You will be able to move forward with freedom from anxiety, with self acceptance in your heart and mind, and that’s a truly nice way of being.
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